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10 Exotic Coffee Flavors That You Should Try
We all sometimes need a good ol' cup of java to start the day right. But as the coffee gods grow older, they keep throwing down exotic coffee flavors from their coffee thrones and hitting people in the head. We may be bitter at the coffee gods for treating us poorly, but some of the flavors they bring to us are actually really good. Here's 10 flavors of coffee that you should try out! Casserole You can't deny that Momma makes the best casserole around. Don't you wish you could take some of Momma's casserole and blend it into a liquid, then put that liquid in a plastic cup and consume it? (The liquid, not the cup.) Now you can! Casserole coffee, or "cofferole", takes the classic casserole ingredients - tuna, chicken, potatoes, those little green leaf things - and puts them in your coffee! It's like it came fresh out of Momma's oven! Indian Let's face it - we have a population problem on this Earth. You know why? India! India keeps hogging all the people and they refuse to share it with the rest of us! So the coffee gods abducted a couple of Indian people one day and turned them into coffee. It's actually kind of grim - but the coffee tastes great. A lot of people say it tastes just like Indian food, but that's actually because they're eating samosas instead of drinking coffee. Idiots. Just make sure you don't think about what's in it - otherwise, the coffee gods will visit your house while you sleep and brew coffee really loudly. New Math Be honest - do you like learning math? Probably not, unless you sleep with a calculator tucked under your arm. Just be thankful you weren't the kids who had to learn New Math growing up. New Math was basically just Old Math that scientists put a nice coating of polish over. And decades after they stopped teaching it, we finally found a use for it - New Math makes a surprisingly tasty coffee flavor. Even people who had to learn this crap admit that it makes for some damn good joe. Fetus Don't worry - the coffee gods decreed that only fetuses who willingly agree ''to become coffee and ''sign a legally-binding waiver will ever be distilled into your coffee. Plus, they mandate that you must get a permission slip signed by their parents first. Besides, many fetuses like becoming coffee. One fetus told us: "Well, it may not be a very pretty way to live life, but it sure beats being born, getting a useless degree, and having to whore yourself out on the streets of Chicago dressed up like Tim Curry in that movie where he was with a talking gorilla." French Vanilla With a subtle but creamy vanilla taste, French vanilla coffee is the perfect blend of sweetness and bitterness that adds a bright sun to your morning. But you might be surprised to know that the coffee gods don't actually like this flavor! A coffee god wrote down the French vanilla recipe on a Starburst wrapper but ended up hating it so much that he threw it in a trash bin. However, that trash pile ended up falling to Earth one day, killing three people and also a Canadian. Then somebody discovered the recipe, and the rest is history. Ryan Seacrest You know him best as the host of American Idol, ''but did you ever try a bit of Ryan Seacrest in your coffee? No? Well, neither have we. The coffee gods insist that this is a good flavor, but nobody actually believes them. They say that he tastes "almost like beef fajitas and Elmer's glue", but we're not buying it for one second, coffee gods! Soundgarden's ''Badmotorfinger One of the quintessential grunge records of the 90's, Soundgarden's album Badmotorfinger also makes for some pretty outstanding coffee. There are several varieties based on the songs on the record, including the "Outshined" variety, which tastes like haggis coffee with a hint of dirt, or the "Mind Riot" variety, which might just be LSD, actually. Kim Thayil, longtime guitarist of the band, once said: "Actually, I haven't tried any of the Badmotorfinger coffees. I prefer tea." Thayil was found brutally murdered that night with a note on his body that read, "Don't disrespect the coffee gods." Circuitry In the modern age, we're doing everything digitally. You can do seemingly everything right on your device - shopping, reading, and even washing your armpits can all be done digitally nowadays. And coffee is just the latest thing to be upgraded to the 21st century. The coffee gods created new technology that allows you to scan specific codes to materialize a cup of circuitry coffee right in front of you. Unfortunately, this coffee flavor has come under a lot of heat from the technophobes out there, who miss the days when you had to work hard to get your circuitry coffee. But to be honest, they're kinda dicks, anyway. So let's just ignore them. Ash Ever been out camping and thought to yourself, "Wow, this fire sure tastes great, but I wish I could take that chocolate milk powder and make a coffee out of that." Well, we got two bits of news for you. One, that's not chocolate milk powder. Two, you can make that coffee right now! Yes, ash is a personal favorite flavor of the coffee gods, who highly recommend it with a slice of grapefruit, or poured over egg on toast. However you like your ash coffee, you should always remember to thank the coffee gods for giving you the opportunity to consume ashes without asking your camp instructor if you can lick the fire pit. Medulla Oblongata The medulla oblongata, AKA the "least squishy" part of the brain, controls vital involuntary behaviors in humans, like sneezing, digesting, and acknowledging the existence of elevators. But one thing about the MO that researchers only recently discovered is that it goes great in a cup of java. Shockingly, this flavor wasn't sent to us by the coffee gods, but was instead discovered by a man! Dr. George Oboeneck, named for the shape of his neck, accidentally dipped a patient's medulla oblongata in his coffee during a routine brain transplant. He discovered how great it tasted, and was given honorary coffee god status as a reward for his discovery. Category:Food? Food.